Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
Randomize
