im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
I love you.
Bad choice
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