We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
Green mimosas i think yes
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
