somebody snuck up and got me drunk
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
