Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
Randomize
