I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
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