Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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