my vag is so smooth its legendary
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
Randomize