I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
Randomize
