he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
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