FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
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