Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Randomize
