dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
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