i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
