look no pants
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
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