I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
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