Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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