i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
Randomize
