3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
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