Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Randomize