Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
Randomize
