It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
Randomize
