Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
P.S. I can't hear my feet
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
We got so high we made milksteak
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
