I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
