my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Randomize
