So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
Randomize
