upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
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