remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
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