Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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