This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Randomize
