i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
question - sack: should she or should she not play with it during foreplay?
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Randomize
