its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
