I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
