i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
50% drunk capacity currently
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
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