Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize
