so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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