You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
Randomize
