I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
Randomize
