i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
