We're facebook friends in real life
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
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