Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
