His hands were made for my vagina.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
Randomize