dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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