I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
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