Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
