there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
Randomize
