i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
Randomize
