her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
