All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
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