I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
Terrible idea I love it
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
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