Yo dont text me then not text me
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
Randomize
