I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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