That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
Randomize