it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
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