I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
Randomize
