Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
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