i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
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