Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Randomize
