If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
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