11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
