According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
Randomize
