the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
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