You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
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