no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
