absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
Randomize
