I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
Michael Bay diarrhea
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
