I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
