I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
