I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
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