i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Randomize
