if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
