so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Randomize
