Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
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