so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
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