I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
Randomize
