In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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