i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
I supernannyed him into submission
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Randomize
