'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
