A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
How drunk are you?
Completed.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
Randomize
