Ambien. No doubt about it.
They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
The feeling are messing with the penis
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
