I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
no. you can't hotbox the world.
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
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