your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
Randomize
