I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
Randomize
