i jhust puked up my retainher.
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
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