Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
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