So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
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