And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
