Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
my god I love twenty year old dicks
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
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