He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
Randomize
