I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize