I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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