the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
Randomize
