I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
