my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
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