this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize
