you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
