My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Randomize
