to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
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