Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
Randomize
