Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
Randomize
