My underwear smells like fireworks.
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize