Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
Randomize
