after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
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