It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
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