yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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