drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
