I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
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