We're facebook friends in real life
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
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