Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
Randomize
