there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
Randomize