But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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