Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
I fill condoms, not promises.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
Randomize
